XII

4-24-2006

Phone Sex at Work

Sometimes I'm astounded by my own stupidity.
A woman from our home office called the store today. She sounded very much like this girl at one of the other stores. This other girl and I always flirt in the least sincere, obviously kidding manner imaginable.
Now, the woman who actually called, she's super nice. She's also a real adult. You know, the kind you don't proposition over the phone. Of course, what do I say when she says, "hi Carrie?"
I say, "ooh, I've missed you so much." in a voice that doesn't sound the least bit professional, at least not in my profession.
She says, "what?" I'm still not sure if it was the kind of "what" that someone says when they really didn't hear you or if it was the kind of "what" someone says when they can't believe they heard you correctly.
Sadly, I still thought it was this other person, so I said, "I said I miss you." This time I didn't use my lusty voice but still. . .
"She said, oh I miss you too."
Then I realized it wasn't who I thought it was, so I back-pedalled at the speed of light.
"Oh, well you know, I haven't talked to you in a while, and you were off on Friday, and you should call more often just to say hey, and it's Monday, I'm just feeling goofy."
I kind of feel like curling up into the fetal position.

Alas, this is not that first time I've done something like this. The last time was when I worked at the bookstore. My boss' name was Jeff. I had a friend named Jason. I was waiting for Jason to call. The phone rang. Someone answered it. They called back for me. I said, "is it J-dog?"
They said, "yeah."
I picked up the phone, "hey spooge."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, hi Jeff!"
I think not learning from your mistakes is a textbook symptom of mental retardation.